06 January 2010 @ 12:18 am
...I mean, really? Seriously? I understand that they don't understand why I sometimes end up talking to myself. It's not like I'm really crazy. I just tend to find that I'm the only person around who will listen to what I have to say. And mostly I'm just thinking out loud. Which is what I was doing today. I'm getting my shoes on as we're getting ready to go out to dinner and I was thinking about the fanfictions I've been reading and how I'm looking for a prompt that will spark some sort of inspiration. And I want more friends on livejournal. Can't help it, I need someone to talk to who loves fics as much as I do. My bestie listens to me and doesn't judge when I find myself talking about the slash pairings I read. But I can't tell my sisters or my other friends and even when I find a tame/case fic and try to talk about it I can see how their eyes glaze over and that they aren't listening. Hell, barely even giving me enough respect to Pseudolisten to me. Ugh. So I'm thinking about how I need a friend and start thinking out loud. "I need to find another fangirl out there to be my buddy online..." Doesn't sound that strange to me, because I'm just trying to find somone who has the same interests as me who will actually listen to my crazy obsessions and not be annoyed. So, I didn't think anything of it. My mom asked me what I was talking about and I explained exactly that. I want to find someone online willing to talk to me about the fanfictions I read. Maybe someone whose read the same ones as me, or is at least into the same genres and such. But, no. I find out, maybe 20/30 minutes ago from my sister that my mom thought I was looking for a girlfriend online. Okay, I know that my mom thinks that I'm totally going to bring a girl home and my dad has never doubted that I'm totally into girls. Even my sisters and my friend, Jason, seem to think that I swing that way. But considering how much I ogle over Sam Wincester while watching SPN, or Tom Welling while watching Smallville. And Seth Green. But since I've never had a boyfriend, they all assume it's because I would rather get a girlfriend. They can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that no one has ever thought of me that way, unless they were some weird-potentially-insane-serial-killer-ish dudes. So, yeah. Haven't gotten around to bringing someone home. I don't have the fucking confidence to ask anyone out, and guys sure as hell don't seem to think of me that way. And that's fine. I'm coming to terms with that fact, slowly but surely. But COME ON! Just because I can't get a fucking date?! You think that I'm obviously just not interested. What the HELL? I just want a BUDDY online. And the majority of authors I've seen are GIRLS, who are often called FANGIRLS, hence wanting to find myself a FANGIRL BUDDY to chat with online. But sure. I'm totally into chicks. Tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess. I don't have anything against that, I just don't like people assuming things about me. They can't read my fucking mind. They don't know why I do or don't do things. So they need to give their assumptions a fucking rest. They could use it. Trust me.
Current Mood: pissed off